A woman of great sorrows.

I have read this from a book, and this book somehow gives me the idea that I too am not alone. This book gives me the best solution to my sorrow and undying pain that I've grown weary of the pervasive gloom of my own world and lonely soul. Every time I tried to flee from my own mistakes, I always end up going back to how it started or how I always, always find my self guilty and unreasonable for the decision I've made.  

I think too, that life and also love is terribly and irredeemably hard, I have attempted to deny my sadness to cover it with a fake ugly joy that most people see in me. I think that if I participate in the real world it would somehow ease the pain, I guess I was just wrong.

Above all, the sun and moon's glare and memory of him startled me in my mind and in my dreams. To adjust the demands of the daytime and to have killed every thought of him in my mind, but still, he succeed.

I can almost or I can say that I am terribly a sad person, I just don't seem to enjoy a comfortable relationship to the things and people around me. I too realize that I am ultimately alone in this world, that no one can live life for me, that I must live my own life and die unto my own death.

Again, coming from him, my lonely meditations on death breed lively musings on life. That there can be really no life without sacrifice, pain, and life without death.

I miss you, My Love.

From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow, I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone
And all I loved, I loved alone.
-Edgar Allan Poe